Do You Have a Support System?

What a summer thus far.  I feel I have been driving non-stop all over this 503 mi2 city, and way past its limits on either side.  

No matter how much time I have I always feel I'm hustling, still waiting for fruition.  I seem to have one switch and it's always "ON".

As I'm driving down the 101 North.  I'm on my bluetooth with a friend while tears are running down my face due to the pressure and stress of this Actor Land.   While we are talking  all I can think of is,  "how wonderful and beautiful these tears stream down my soft face. Can I replicate this moment, how can I use it on my next dramatic piece?"  (That is how I know I'm an actress!!!!!)   

The HEAT, figuratively and factually, has been waring on me and my car to say the least.  

The only way to maintain active and sane in LA one must have friends to turn to.  I have several confidants in case one is busy and I must share.  Find those people, life is not meant to be experienced alone.  At least not all the time.  

Do you have a support system? Why Not?  If you don't. Get one right away. 

Namiste. 

I welcome comments or shares.  

Second Guessing Yourself

I had an audition Saturday.  I had just heard about it the day before.  I saw the dialogue
which I had thought was only going to be 2 lines.  But I get there and I find out that surprisingly I'm auditioning for the lead character.  The Casting Director (CD) announces how happy he is we are all there because Jazz is the lead character and they have not found her yet.

The lead character - they haven't found her yet? And I haven't studied those lines.  That felt like pressure.  All of a sudden I looked around the room saw all the girls and they
were very pretty, skinny, tall, beautiful.  And among these girls I began to think, what the hell am I doing here? And I started to second guess myself.

I got soooo nervous. Luckily I had enough time to go twice to the bathroom.  I didn't even need to go,
I was just trying to get it together.  I was hopping I wouldn't embarrass the poor casting director who brought me in. OMG.  I was freaking out.

Ok fine.  I may not look like the rest of the girls.  But I am pretty,  I am unique and I have a killer attitude.

I learned my lines.  I walked in and I had fun.  I was totally there.
I even ended the scene just how I wanted to end it.  I felt the character and when I left the
casting room, everyone seemed to be energized by my performance.  It really gave me a boost. I was even like "that's right, here I am. It's all about me."  Just to let you know, that is what the character required.

And as soon as I was done I began to second guess myself again.  Did I fuck up?  Maybe, they were just saying nice things to say them since I had waited so long to audition.

A friend of mine noticed I often second guess myself.  I don't have a reason to do that but I do.  I have
to change that kind of thinking.

I can handle lead roles,  I can do them, and have them and  I am right to play leads.

Thank you Subconcious

I've been having this recurring dream.  In it I am unprepared for a performance.  I am nervous cause I know that I am not prepared.  In my dream I'm on the wings waiting to go on.

This dream bothers me.

I mean the worst feeling possible is the feeling of not being prepared.
I'm wondering if this dream talks about my past experiences? Is there somehow I have not been prepared.

In life? At work?

Does my subconscious think I haven't been prepared for past performances?

Or is it an omen for a future project.  Because I really would not want it to be.

Or is it a warning.  I have to be careful and make sure I give time to my scripts.

I think my subconscious is trying to give me practical advice.  I will heed the message.

Messy Me

I am a "project girl".  I get involved in projects.  The more I have the better. I balance my hectic
schedule as perfect as I can.  But something gives.  My room.  Right now my room looks
like a closet.  And I'm not kidding.   There are clothes everywhere.  My Jewelry is everywhere.
There are dirty clothes mixed with clean clothes.  I have no casual clothes left.  All I have

Helpful Robot

are dressy stuff. So I guess that is why I'm always looking my best.  Because I'm too lazy to clean my room.

I watched Chapie the other day.  And one of the supporting characters had built a robot that cleaned his place.  OMG. This is what I need.  A robot that would love to clean my room. Who and where can I call to buy it.  Anyone????







I thought I would be creative and draw my helpful robot.  This is me being an artist, my helpful robot.