Second Guessing Yourself

I had an audition Saturday.  I had just heard about it the day before.  I saw the dialogue
which I had thought was only going to be 2 lines.  But I get there and I find out that surprisingly I'm auditioning for the lead character.  The Casting Director (CD) announces how happy he is we are all there because Jazz is the lead character and they have not found her yet.

The lead character - they haven't found her yet? And I haven't studied those lines.  That felt like pressure.  All of a sudden I looked around the room saw all the girls and they
were very pretty, skinny, tall, beautiful.  And among these girls I began to think, what the hell am I doing here? And I started to second guess myself.

I got soooo nervous. Luckily I had enough time to go twice to the bathroom.  I didn't even need to go,
I was just trying to get it together.  I was hopping I wouldn't embarrass the poor casting director who brought me in. OMG.  I was freaking out.

Ok fine.  I may not look like the rest of the girls.  But I am pretty,  I am unique and I have a killer attitude.

I learned my lines.  I walked in and I had fun.  I was totally there.
I even ended the scene just how I wanted to end it.  I felt the character and when I left the
casting room, everyone seemed to be energized by my performance.  It really gave me a boost. I was even like "that's right, here I am. It's all about me."  Just to let you know, that is what the character required.

And as soon as I was done I began to second guess myself again.  Did I fuck up?  Maybe, they were just saying nice things to say them since I had waited so long to audition.

A friend of mine noticed I often second guess myself.  I don't have a reason to do that but I do.  I have
to change that kind of thinking.

I can handle lead roles,  I can do them, and have them and  I am right to play leads.